Appreciate today...tomorrow could be different

It’s amazing how fragile life is.  One minute everything is fine, the next it could change.

Yesterday was an ordinary day.  Started just like any other.  Took the kids to daycare, and I went to work.  Their daycare is on-site – so I went and took my oldest daughter to lunch with me.  She was feeling under the weather on Monday, so I wanted to make sure she was ok.  She was tired, and groggy, but she was happy to be with mommy.  She was also excited for nap time.  Gave her a kiss and left her at 12:30.

I was in my bosses office giving an update when one of our admins runs in and says to call the daycare right away.  I hear “We have been trying wake her, she is unresponsive, we called 911, an ambulance is on it’s way”.  I run to my office, grab my keys.  I kept saying to myself, oh my god she’s dead.  That was the longest 5 minutes of my life.

I see 2 cop cars, an ambulance, and people everywhere.  I walk into the school; one of the teachers is holding her.  She looks at me – her eyes are open.  I can breath.  They lay her in the gurney – and buckle her in, and tell me I can ride in the back with them. It all feels like a dream.  I sit down next to her, and she starts to come too, more and more.  She looks around and realizes where she is.  She get’s so scared.  The more I talk with the paramedics, the more aware she is.  Here eyes are wide with tears and fear. They took her vitals and all seemed fine.  After what seemed like forever, I signed off and took her home with me to take her to our own doctor.  Someone went and got my son, another got my other daughter, and they started putting everyone in the car.  It seems surreal, I remember it like I was watching it, not like I was there.

By the time we got home, she was fine.  She was playing games, asking questions, like nothing happened.

My wonderful parents dropped everything, brought dinner to our house and watched the two little ones so we could both go to the doctor. together. Told the doctor the chain of events.  Said it was probably the flu or a potential mild seizure, that was common among kids, but it was nothing to worry about.  Nothing to worry about…sure…I thought she was dead – but there is nothing to worry about.

Before bed – she watched a TV show as I snuggled and soaked up every waking second with her.  She looked at me with a straight face and said “My teachers thought I was dead”.  My husband and I look at her.  “Did you know they were trying to wake you”, “yes”.  She couldn’t explain why she didn’t move.  They told me she was limp – lifted her arm, it fell.  Tried to stand her up, legs went limp.

 

She slept in our bed.  I went up and snuggled with her.  I just listened to her talk, and for the first time, I started crying.  I thought…what happened if it went differently, and I would never hear that sweet voice again.  I just listened to her, she gave me a hug and told me I was the best mommy she could ever ask for.  Thinking that this could be gone, that her voice would never be heard again, that things could change, that you have no control, that you can only protect your child so much….

I rolled over, she snuggled right up to me and just rubbed my back and told me she loved me.  She is 4-years old.  The strength and realization she had over the event was amazing.  The fact that my 4-year old was comforting her mother just amazed me.

Thankfully everything worked out.  But – I wanted to write it out for a couple reasons.  I think the most important one is for me.  Because believe it or not, how I am feeling right now, I don’t want to soon forget.  Life is so fragile, and we take it for granted.  We are so quick to run here, run there, say I’ll do it tomorrow.  I don’t think we should be scared our whole life, and be run by fear.  But – sometimes we need a reminder to appreciate the things in life that are most important to us.  To open our eyes to what we have today. We need to realize that every minute we have with the ones we love is precious, and to not take that for granted.  Love with everything you have, don’t hold anything back.  Tell your kids or loved ones that you love them. Think twice before leaving someone angry.  No matter how angry you are, say you love them and give them a kiss, even if it is hard for you to do. Acknowledge that tomorrow may be different, so appreciate what you have today.