I wish someone would have told me, not to be in a hurry, that life isn’t a race. Sometime I feel like I was born 30. (don’t believe me – ask my mom). I ran through everything, always wanting to be at that next stage in life.
Education: In High School, I was taking college classes. Before my Junior year I had the rest of my life planned out – had a list of the classes, when they would be taken, when they would be completed. In Undergrad I was looking for that perfect job and figuring out where I would go to Grad school. I finished my undergraduate degree in just about 2 years.
Life: I met my husband, thinking – just wait till we get married. We get married….just wait till we have kids….we have kids…just wait till they are old enough to really do some fun things…just wait till they go to school…
Career: My job…working on a big project...just waiting for it to be done…waiting to get promoted, get promoted…looking for the next one…
Hobby: My hobby’s….as I have many….I know I have to learn…but I want to know it all now…master one thing…wanting to learn the next….Finish building something that I worked so hard at, never really stopping to look saying “wow – I did that”…it’s – what’s next.
I think in life there is a fine line between striving for better/always seeking to improve yourself, and never being content with where you are in life.
I am starting to have this overwhelming fear. A fear that I am going to blink, my kids will be grown, I’ll be retired (ok…that may be wishful thinking) and never really have appreciated the things that I had…when I had them. They are a distant memory – and I was a spectator instead of a player.
The memories I have right now – are the ones that I had to consciously stop and say – wow – this is truly amazing – and take a mental picture. I don’t do that often enough. I don’t stop to say soak in the small things in life. Which quite honestly are often the most important things.
Is it more meaningful to stop back and watch my little man pound on his door in the morning – because he is in a big boy bed and has the freedom to get out when he hears people waking up. He has the freedom to pound on that door to say “HEY LET ME OUT”. When I open that door – remembering the look on his face – the over-joyment of – hey look at me – I’m a big boy! Because – that pounding is so soon silenced. Both my girls did it – and it is a distant memory – only brought back when I hear it from him. I didn’t stop to listen to them – I heard it thinking – it will be quite someday with joy in that thought. Now I hear it saddened thinking – it will be quite someday because he will be grown.
I don’t stop often enough. I never silence all of that “in the future” thoughts. I never enjoy the present.
For my past – I can only look back and think “I could have enjoyed life more instead of planning my future”.
But for my present – I can stop. I can look around and enjoy all of the little things. I can turn off the radio on the way to “school/work”, and play “I spy”, and “Who am I” with my kids. Because one day they will want the radio on and not to talk to mom. I can sit and read with them, because someday they will rather read themselves, than me to them. I will love every kiss as I drop them off to school, because someday that will be embarrassed by mommy’s kisses. I will love every time I pick them up and kiss a boo-boo, because someday they will be too big for mommy’s magic kiss.
Enjoy what you have today – because even what tomorrow – will be different.